Carry Me
by Authors Tune
Summary: Lorelai detests being unwell and generally insists she doesn't get sick. When she's confronted with the reality of being seriously ill, it forces her to reevaluate what's really important in her life.
1. Chapter 1

**Carry Me**

**© Hay 1**

Steam rose from the round blood red mug and she could feel the heat as she leant over the table and peered into the cup. The liquid had a strong familiar odour, yet it seemed to turn her stomach as she inhaled. She pushed the mug slightly away from her as she closed her eyes briefly and drew in a deep breath. She was tired. Too many hours spent at the Inn and too many late nights perusing the accounts and problem solving anything that was thrown her way. And currently, any spare minute was spent trying to figure out where she had gone wrong in her personal life. Or rather, she spent time trying to avoid thinking about it at all. Chris was gone again and she knew that this time he wouldn't be back, even though this scenario had been played out numerous times before. And Luke, well, she didn't know if she could ever find a way to fix what she had done. She couldn't take back the split second decisions or her ridiculous impulsivity and reactions. He still served her coffee every day and asked her how she was and how her day had been. And he listened, intensively even, but he still looked at her as if he were defeated. It was like he didn't know how to cross the massive chasm that grew overnight.

Leaning over from behind the counter, Luke lifted the coffee pot to refill her cup. His eyebrows rose in surprise, "Usually you're looking for your IV infusion by now. Finally decided to increase your life expectancy?"

Lorelai smiled slightly, her jovial wink doing nothing to hide her pale cheeks. "What? So I can live to enjoy the realms of dementia and forgetting every Tom Cruise movie ever made? Never!" She wrapped her hands around the cooling mug and pressed her lips to the edge. The tiny sip of coffee made her head spin slightly but she shrugged it away. "Just too tired for an upper this morning I think." She conceded with a forced laugh.

"You don't look so good, are you sick? Because you look sick." Luke stated strongly, removing the coffee from her sight. "How about a bowl of fruit?"

Lorelai rolled her eyes and gasped, "Fruit? Are you trying to kill me?"

"Not today." Luke muttered with a slight grin. "No really, are you sick? You should see a doctor."

Lorelai shook her head. "I'm fine. I don't get sick, you know that."

"Ah, invincible." Luke smiled, "I forgot."

He watched somewhat helplessly as Lorelai slipped off the stool and walked slowly to the exit of the diner. As she pulled on the door, she paused momentarily, noticeably swaying ever so slightly before walking down the steps and to the jeep, parked just across the road.

The Inn was it's usual chaotic self, there always seemed to be small insignificant dramas that took up countless hours of valuable time. Today's issue was Michel, although physically presence at work he was spending most of the day spontaneously erupting into tears and cowering behind the desk. It was almost comical, his desperate grief at being at work whilst one of his precious dogs was recuperating at the vet after a minor surgical procedure. Lorelai covered his workload, politely greeting each guest as they arrived, checking them in and managing any questions or requests they had. She answered the phone, calmly and patiently, taking bookings and logging them on the computer. But her patience was wearing thin, gradually throughout the day she began to snap at Michel, criticising his presence and lack of professionalism. Her head was now pounding and the two Advil she had did nothing to numb the throbbing.

When finally she had a small break and Michel appeared as emotionally stable as one could hope, she drifted into the kitchen and with a tall glass of iced water, sat for the first time since that morning. Suki, who appeared from the walk in fridge in a flurry of excitement over the state of this week's cauliflower, froze mid-sentence with her hands motionless, still in the air from her wild gestures. "Lorelai." She gasped, "You look terrible."

Lorelai laughed lightly, "And you, Suki; are the second person to say that to me today. It's not the way to make a girl feel special you know."

Suki's face quickly warped into an expression of sympathy and concern. "But really Lorelai, are you alright? What's wrong? You look like Davey does after he's eaten fairy floss."

"I'm fine." Lorelai groaned. "Just a little tired, that's all." She was as convincing to Suki as she had been to Luke that morning. Lorelai smiled, trying to persuade Suki into believing her. "I just haven't had coffee this morning and I didn't feel like anything for breakfast, so I'm a little tired. That's all."

Suki stumbled back, dramatically throwing her hands out and reaching to steady herself on the bench. "You haven't had coffee?" Lorelai was weakening, she felt dangerously close to tears but swallowed heavily and simply shrugged her shoulders. "You need to go home Lorelai. You shouldn't be spreading germs around this place."

"I can't." Lorelai stated simply. "The angel of death is out there on reception."

Suki grinned, "You leave Michel to me. He'll toughen up in no time." Lorelai looked sceptical, shaking her head from left to right slowly. "Seriously, go home now. I'll bring you some soup later."

"Suki, really…I'm okay." But her argument was weak, her sheet white face and dull eyes betrayed her every word.

"Blah!" Suki interrupted, reaching for Lorelai's hand and guiding her off the chair. "You need to go home and get some sleep. Go via Luke's and actually get something nutritious to eat, he has that killer fruit platter. Get some vitamins in you and then rest. Got that?" Lorelai nodded finally. "That means rest, you hear me? Do nothing."

"Okay Okay. I'll just let Michel know that I'm going home."

"Nope Nope Nope." Suki insisted, "I'm all over it! Like Jackson on a vegetable!" She added, laughing to herself.

Lorelai held her hands up in defeat and left without further discussion, stopping only to grab her handbag. For some reason, Luke and Suki's insistence that she have some fruit was bugging her. Was her lifestyle really so horrific that two people would bring it up as soon as she didn't look well. Was that really why she felt so badly and if she was being honest to herself, she really didn't feel well. She just wanted to curl up in a ball on her bed and sleep, preferably with Rory busying herself downstairs, just someone to make sure that she didn't decompose. So she stopped willingly at Luke's, dragging herself through the door and to the same stool she had sat on earlier that morning. It was a quiet afternoon, just Kirk sitting in the corner who appeared to be sorting a box fill of playing cards. Who knows why. Who knows why Kirk does anything really.

Luke emerged from the storeroom at the sound of the doorbell, checking his watch as Lorelai sat down. "It's a little late for lunch and a little early for dinner; even for you." He stated, leaning across from her.

Lorelai smiled and shrugged, "Apparently, according to Stars Hollow, I need some of that fruit stuff."

"Fruit stuff?" Luke questioned. "As in fruit?" She nodded in agreement and appeared so overwhelmed that Luke disappeared, emerging minutes later with a dinner plate filled with varying pieces of fruit. "Have you eaten anything today?" He asked, his concern beginning to rise.

She shook her head slowly, "No. I hate being sick."

"I thought you weren't sick." Luke challenged with a sly smile.

Lorelai couldn't help but offer a soft laugh. "Yeah well, I'm not." She met Luke's eyes momentarily. "Alright, maybe a little." Glancing down at her plate, fork poised midair she gave narrowed her eyebrows. "I'm concerned, only half of this food is even familiar. I could name even less."

"There's nothing wrong with your sarcasm then?" Luke casually bantered with her, leaning back to watch that she actually put some of it in her mouth, chewed and swallowed. She managed only a few bites; a small piece of apple, a grape and a tiny cube of melon before resting her fork against the plate. She had begun to slump over the table, drawing in deep breaths as she held her head in her hands. She audibly groaned; her voice cracking as she exhaled. "You need to lie down." Luke leant across the bench and shadowed her hands, his fingertips burning as they touched her radiating cheeks. "You have a fever." He added. Lorelai nodded weakly this time, pushing herself upright and preparing to slide off the stool and to her feet. But her head spun at the movement, her neck muscles weakening and allowing her head to tip slightly backwards, turning a ghastly shade of grey. Luke rushed around the counter and even Kirk looked up in interest, watching in shock as Lorelai lost consciousness and slumped to the ground, her fall broken ever so slightly by Luke as he slid to the floor and protected her head and shoulders from smashing against the wooden floor.

* * *

Part Two to be posted very shortly. All feedback encouraged and welcomed...constructive and positive.

Cheers


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

Just seconds passed before Lorelai stirred, her eyelids blinking continuously in an effort to clear her blurred vision. She was remotely aware of a body cushioning her upper body and a calloused hand pushing hair away from her face. She reached out and failing to find solid ground she tried unsuccessfully to push herself off of Luke, groaning softly at the energy expenditure. "This can't be good." She muttered, shaking her head slightly.

"Just stay here for a moment; I'll get you some water." Luke insisted, aiding her attempts to sit and lean against the counter, one arm draped over the base of the stool she had fallen from.

She didn't argue, just nodding slowly and closing her eyes. Moments later, she opened her eyes and physically jumped, both hands racing to her chest as she rushed to inhale. "Kirk!" She exclaimed, recoiling from his presence, his face mere inches from hers.

"I was checking you were breathing." He stated firmly, "I might have needed to put you in the recovering position. I did my first aid you know, I can do CPR if you need it."

"I'm breathing Kirk." Lorelai responded, her heart rate beginning to return to normal. "And I was moving. Both are probably good indications that I'm alive."

"You can never be too certain. I'm very valuable to have around."

"Kirk! Get out of here!" Luke bellowed as he emerged from the kitchen, "Out, now!" He added, passing Lorelai her water and gripping the shoulder of Kirk's shirt and escorting him to the door.

"No need to get violent." Kirk responded, "Hey, I need my cards."

"You can pick them up tomorrow. Now get out." Kirk was on the sidewalk quickly and barely registering his exit as the diner door clicked locked behind him and the 'open' sign was turned to 'closed'.

Lorelai was just sliding in to one of the table chairs as Luke turned back, striding quickly to sit opposite her, his elbow leaning on the table. They sat silently for a few moments, Lorelai staring at the table as she took small sips of water. Luke watched her carefully, taking in her ashen appearance with concern and slight alarm. Despite his banter with her earlier, she was right when she insisted that she never got sick. He could count only a handful of times in the many years he had see her on a daily basis, when she was unwell and even then it was usually as a result of a hangover then anything more sinister.

"I'm okay." Lorelai stated weakly, meeting Luke's worried gaze with a forced smile.

Luke shrugged, "No you're not."

"Neither is Michael Jackson but no one worries about him." Despite her pasty appearance she could still maintain her quick attempts at humour, clearly a defence then anything energetic.

"Alright," Luke began, "You have two options. I can take you home and then call Rory and wait until she arrives. Or, I can take you upstairs and you can sleep here so I can make sure you go to the Doctor in the morning. Otherwise, I can take you straight to the hospital now. What will it be?"

Lorelai appeared unimpressed, screwing her face up in defiance. "You gave three options."

"One more came to me while I was lecturing. Don't argue. Do you want me to call Rory?"

Lorelai shook her head strongly, "She's has mid-terms next week, she's in hibernation. Like a lizard."

"See, now that leaves two options. I told you there were only two." He was trying to mess with her mind slightly, distract her from her instinct to shy away from help or out of some need to protect him.

She sat in silence, staring blankly at the table, her mind not even registering what she was looking at. She felt incredibly unwell. She didn't think she had the energy to even stand, let alone walk, climb stairs or formulate anything resembling a logical thought pattern. "What do you think I should do?"

Luke paused, glancing at his watch. "We might as well go to the hospital now. It's probably better than sitting around worrying for the next twelve hours and this way we'll be back and have you asleep by tonight." Lorelai nodded in agreement, although in reality she didn't have the energy to argue and for the second time that day she wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

The trip to the hospital was uneventful. She walked independently, relying only slightly on Luke's strong open palm on the small of her back to steady her gait. He walked her through to the emergency department, clearly providing all of her registration details from her birth date through to her address, next of kin and medical history without missing a beat. At any other time she would have been taken aback by his knowledge, of just how close she had allowed him to be before pushing him away. But she was simply grateful.

She was taken through triage and seen remarkably quickly, first by a junior intern and then a registrar. She drifted in and out of sleep, waking only to engage with each doctor and to protest slightly in good nature regarding the numerous bottles of blood they drew from her arm. Luke sat silently in a chair next to her bed, flicking absentmindedly through an old fishing magazine he had found in the waiting room. It was dated April 1991 but he figured nature had changed that much over hundreds of years then surely the material would at least interest him. He was easily distracted though, each new patient being brought in to the emergency department presented a new challenge for the staff and amusement to others. Everything from people involved in car accidents to adolescents falling from bikes and skateboards and even people who were high on drugs and needing four staff to restrain them. The doctors even seemed to enjoy working with Lorelai and after a discussion with the young intern Luke discovered that it was seldom that they got challenging or even different styles of cases in. Generally it was just stitching up cuts and plastering broken bones or transferring patients to larger, more equipped hospitals.

The hours passed incredibly quickly and it was the sun had well set when another senior doctor arrived at Lorelai's bedside and ordered some more blood to be taken. He explained that some abnormalities were found in her blood and that they needed to take some more to clarify the results. He was somewhat more direct and rude then the other doctors and Luke sensed that he was incredibly arrogant and thought himself to be more important than he probably was. Although, he was concerned by the small details the doctor had given and the look on Lorelai's face seemed to emulate what he was feeling.

She was wide awake now and shuffled up to sit cross legged on the bed. She rubbed her arm as she shifted her weight; the large bruise that had been there for two days had turned a jagged purple colour. Her hands trembled slightly as she rearranged the light sheet to fall across her hips and she drew in a deep breath. "I think we should go." She said nodding to herself, "I need to be at the Inn tomorrow morning, I can't be staying here all night." She continued to nod. "God knows what will happen if Michel's dog is still at the Vet, he'll be useless again. And Sookie couldn't book a guest in the computer if her life depended on it. Thankfully she can cook, which is good 'cause she's a chef. Oh, I forgot, Sookie was going to bring me soup this afternoon. She'll wonder where I am. That's alright, I'll call her when I get home and…"

Luke moved to sit on the side of her bed, wrapping his arms around her back and guiding her head to his chest. She silently cried, pressing her forehead under his chin and gripping a handful of his shirt in her hand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

It was difficult to describe the concept of time during the following hours. The minutes seemed to drag on and it was then that Lorelai realised the absence of clocks in the emergency department. A tactic perhaps to give the false impression that the waiting times were less than they actually were. Still, it did nothing to ease her anxiety or that of the other members of the public that expressed their dissatisfaction with their treatment without hesitation. And loudly. She congratulated herself then, regarding her wise choice not to enter the nursing profession. Not that she ever considered it anyway, blood never was her thing. In fact, she can clearly remember a time that Rory fell off her bike, just outside of Miss Patty's and Lorelai carried her to Luke's and insisted that he tape her knee up.

Still, the time passed. Quickly or not, it passed. Nurses drifted in and out, checking the monitor keeping track of her heart rate and oxygenation with a single glance and changing her IV bag when it emptied. The nurses were polite and forced a smile at her, but they were seldom personable. Her mild attempts at loose jokes fell on hardened ears, a simple shrug or a small chuckle, but never a reciprocated comment. Didn't they know this was her coping strategy? A way to avoid the knot that wouldn't move in her stomach or the nagging thought that played a beat with the throb of her headache. Still, they answered Luke's questions easily and with clear competence, he seemed desperate to know what they were giving her even if they were yet to know why. The fluid being fed through a line in the back of her hand was to rehydrate her, the composition included glucose to raise her blood sugars slightly, to give her body a chance to feel more energised and replace what wasn't there. It was being given over 4 hours as she was only mildly dehydrated, just standard protocol. The anti-medic was simply to minimise any nausea, again, just standard procedure in the situations like these.

It was an odd phrase, tapped on to the end of a sentence and left lingering in the sterile air as she nurse exited as quickly as she entered. Luke raised his eyebrows, and tapped on the bream of his hat. "Mmmm…" He muttered, holding up his magazine. "They had a good salmon season in '91".

Lorelai nodded, "It wasn't a great year for me. Shoulder pads and tie died shirts. Although I still claim the stonewashed jeans were very rockstar." She looked confused briefly, "Did I see Duran Duran in '91? Did I see Duran Duran at all? I have a t-shirt, that must mean I did. In fact, Rory stole that shirt…" She trailed off at the mention of her daughter, no doubt studying furiously at Yale.

"You should call her" Luke offered, voicing what he knew were her thoughts. She shrugged, shaking her head slowly. "Really, she would want to know what's happening?"

"But what is happening?" She asked with a hint of anguish, it was hard to know what was worse. Waiting endless or knowing. "And I feel okay now so really, what's the point in waiting around? Can't they call with the results?"

"Feeling okay? You don't look okay? Unless grey is the new black."

"I wish everyone would stop telling me how terrible I look, I'm getting a complex!" It seemed an effort to raise her voice every so slightly and the energy that she had managed to summon over the last hour had dissipated.

Luke exhaled, it was like watching the final efforts prior to defeat. "You did lose consciousness in my diner, if I remember correctly. And that's not good for business." He joked without conviction.



"And neither is your sunny disposition." Lorelai threw back at him. "Watch me, I'm fine." She stated, beginning to move to sit upright with her legs over the side of the steal bed frame. "Ish…" She added weakly, standing independently with significant effort.

It was at that point that the senior doctor returned, the same one from previously. They knew he was senior doctor, not by his apparent need to demonstrate his authority but by the colour of his scrubs. The senior doctor's wore black, the registrars blue and the junior doctors wore plain clothes. Some of the nurses opted to wear green. And here he was, this arrogant man that held fate in his bare hands, dressed in black pyjamas.

"Lorelai Gilmore?" He asked, never lifting his eyes from the chart he had lifted from the foot of her bed. It crossed her mind briefly to comment sarcastically, something perhaps resembling a blind date reference or a snipe at her resistance to the family name, but instead she merely nodded. "You're not feeling well I see." He offered whilst Lorelai looked sideways at Luke who immediately looked ready to throw something at him.

"She is in hospital." Luke muttered under his breath, but with deliberate volume to make his point known.

The consultant raised his eyes from Lorelai's chart, his face still lowered so that his eyebrows raised with intolerance. "Husband?"

"Friend." Lorelai intersected, detecting a power struggle about to ensue. "Close friend."

The doctor's eyes immediately returned to her chart, as if it was aiding him in ensuring he kept his physical and emotional distance. She was really just a number to him, the hundredth at least that shift and over his career, well, he didn't dare add up the math. He scanned her triage sheet, blood test results, urine screens and periodic observation results. "Your blood pressure is a little unstable." He offered out loud, not noticing the glances Lorelai and Luke were sharing. "And there's a few other abnormalities in your bloods, things that don't make a lot of sense right now…" He trailed off, mentally scanning the numerous text books he had studied over the years and cases he had personally worked on. "You're not pregnant…" He trailed off as if eliminating options.

Lorelai narrowed her eyes and pointed at Luke, "No immaculate conception references thank you." She laughed lightly, though it was an effort.

The comment went unregistered with the man behind the black scrubs. "Your platelets are a bit low, not plummeted but a little depleted."

"Platelets?" Luke interrupted, "That's something to do with clotting cuts and things, right?"

"Mmmm." He answered slowly, "They serve to clot the blood. With platelet levels like these, you might have noticed you're bruising easier than usual. Or, if you get a small cut, you bleed for longer. Nothing too dramatic though." He flipped another page. "Everything else looks fairly normal, just a few points outside of the normal range. My guess is that you just have a virus, take some time off work and see how you go."

"So that's all?" Lorelai smiled, "I can go?"

The consultant nodded slowly, it didn't all add up but there was nothing to indicate that he needed to keep her in hospital imminently. "I'll run these bloods through some more detailed tests but we can certainly contact you if we need to. If anything changes or you feel unwell again, just come back and we'll do some further investigations."



Luke looked mildly perplexed, he felt the 'virus' line was simply that, a diagnosis to explain what they clearly didn't know at that moment in time. "Anything in particular that we should be looking out for?"

"Just the usual," The doctor offered. "Watch for an increase in tiredness, inability to keep fluid down, and an increase in bruising. Any further loss of consciousness." He added, almost as an afterthought after rereading Lorelai's initial presentation. "Just take some time out to rest and see how you go. Do you need me to arrange an intern to complete a sickness certificate for you?"

Lorelai shook her head, "No, I'm my own boss. I can take what I need. Mind you, Sookie and Michel may self-destruct but I suppose that's not very interesting to you."

He smiled politely and slipped her chart under his arm. "I'll send a nurse in to take that line out of your arm and you can get out of here." He had moved towards the door before he had finished his sentence and disappeared before they had a chance to offer any notion of gratitude.

"With a bedside manner like that, who needs a handshake anyway." Luke muttered as if reading Lorelai's thoughts.

"He certainly was a charmer." She added, "No wonder Paris wants to go to med school, she'll fit right in. You can see the advertisement now can't you, doctor's needed, personality optional."

The same nurse from earlier walked in at that precise moment, seemingly smiling genuinely for the first time during their stay. "He's not renown for his small talk but still, he's the best of the best. You're right though, intelligence is certainly no indication of personality." She chuckled, swiftly removing the cannular from Lorelai's hand and ignoring her small exclamation of pain. "There you go, you're right to go." She added, placing some tape where the line had been.

"Thank you." Lorelai offered, shrugging her shoulders. She didn't feel particularly better, certainly not as bad as she had felt earlier but not exactly ready for her usual routine either. Luke stood to shadow her as she slipped off the bed and to her feet, noting that her face was still painfully pale and her eyes rimmed with darkness. To her credit though, she stood firmly, deliberately steadying herself, forced a smile and started towards the exit.

The car ride home was filled with idle chit chat, Lorelai significantly better at it then Luke. He never was renowned for his ability to engage in small talk and at this moment, he was particularly concerned about her. "You're not going to work tomorrow are you? I'll tell Sookie if you don't."

"You just make sure that coffee is brewed for me alright? Nice and strong." Luke only had to glare at her to get the response he was looking for. "Okay okay, no, I'll take the day off." The glare was a familiar one, although Lorelai hadn't seen it for a little while. Truth be known, they were only just getting back on track following the various debacles that had been their relationship. In reality, they were the one constant that existed in each other lives, no matter what else went on, the diner was always open and Lorelai was always there, empty mug in hand. They had been good together, really good and it had seemed so right at the time. But things always seemed to get in the way and despite how good they were with each other, they weren't so good with other aspects of their lives and that always intruded. Small things and big dramas, tearing into their relationship like a sharp knife driving them apart. Neither of them could figure out why they didn't trust in their relationship more, used that security to work through whatever else life through at them. But no one was 

perfect and perhaps it was this imperfection that continued to draw them together, eventually they always went back to being the duo that everyone loved, no matter the hurt that had existed between them.

And in his head, Luke was already making the phone call to Sookie. It was late, but he knew she wouldn't mind. He was respecting Lorelai's decision not to contact Rory as he knew how important this final year of Yale was to her and to Lorelai as well. But when it came to Sookie, he knew he had an ally and something told him that was going to be more important than ever. And really, if he left it up to Lorelai, the world would believe she was invincible. That she was still that teenager that defiantly showed up in Stars Hollow with an infant on her hip and the powerful belief that she could make it on her own.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

Luke sat in the driver's seat of his truck just watching the front porch through the darkness for a while. He'd like to say he had gotten her settled inside, curled up under her duvet with a glass of water on her bedside table. But in fact, he had barely been permitted through the front door, Lorelai had walked herself in and let her handbag and keys fall to the floor next to the sofa as she often did. She walked to phone and checked her messages, a few from the inn but nothing important. She leant on the arm of the couch whilst she pulled her boots off and tossed them towards the staircase. The only sign that she wasn't her usual energetic self was the lack of constant, barely coherent, drabble and the slight wavering on her entrance, reaching out with her right hand to steady herself on the railing as she walked towards her front door.

Luke was sure his heart had skipped a beat, stopping momentarily in his chest while he wondered how he was possibly going to cover half the front yard in a split second before she fell. But she balanced quickly and continued without looking behind her, eyes focussed ahead at the task at hand.

But now, she stood barefoot and staring expectantly at him, waiting no doubt for him to bid his goodbyes. "You can check on me tomorrow, you know. I'm not going anywhere other than to bed."

He nodded, "I just thought…well," He stumbled over his words, that minor sense of a stutter that she occasionally detected in his speech when he was particularly nervous or anxious. "I thought you might want me to stay. You know, on the couch. In case you need anything."

She smiled, her tired eyes betraying the sentiment. "I'm okay, really. The doctor said it himself right, almost ready for that marathon I once thought about running. I admit it was a brief thought, around the same time as I thought I might consider a career as a gymnast. Then I remembered that exercise just isn't my thing."

"You're too tall for a gymnast." Luke offered back, in the most serious voice he could muster. "A triple jumper perhaps or even a skier but you're definitely not gymnast material."

She met his eyes briefly, the initial small chuckle turning to a genuine gaze. "Thank you. For today." She offered in response, ignoring his casual, break the tension, banter.

"You're more than welcome." He responded, "You really want me to leave?"

She nodded, "I'll call, I promise. If I need anything at all."

"Really?" He smiled, not really believing her.

"If I have any need to chocolate brownies or a double cheeseburger, I will call. I have you on speed dial."

"You have me on speed dial?"

"Position two. Sorry, Rory gets 1st." She shrugged her shoulders. "Honestly Luke, I just need some sleep. I'll be fine."

He threw his hands up in playful defeat; he knew he had no chance of convincing her otherwise at the moment. Even when she was sick, she was still the most definite, the strongest person he knew; had ever known even. So he reluctantly left, sitting in the car 

watching for the last light to disappear from inside the house before quietly backing out of the driveway.

Despite getting to bed so late, he still woke early, quickly showering and dressing before heading down to open the diner at six. He served the usual early risers their coffee and breakfast before stopping around 7 to make the phone call he had wanted to make last night. "Sookie, it's Luke." A long pause. "Luke, from Luke's." A shorter pause. "Yes, the diner! Who did you think it was?"

He laughed nervously, wondering briefly how Lorelai would berate him as soon as she found out he had contacted Sookie. "Sookie, it's Lorelai." That one name seemed to bring what was no doubt Sookie's rambling confusion to a sudden stop. "She's okay, just sick. We spent yesterday and half of last night at the hospital. I just can't get away from here until the morning lull and I was hoping you might go and check on her, maybe stay with her a while, talk to her, you know what she's like." He didn't really know how to say it, how to stress that he was really worried about her this time. "They don't really know, so we don't know either. They think maybe a virus. Lorelai will explain after she threatens my life I'm sure."

Sookie seemed to sense the concern between his fumbled words and immediately sprang into action. In a few minutes she had assured him that she would contact Michel and let him know that both Lorelai and herself wouldn't be in today, that she would have the kids looked after all day and that she would get Lorelai talking if it killed her. Luke did manage to convince her out of taking a six course meal to her and that something simple, plain and more to Lorelai's tastebuds would be more appropriate.

"And Sookie?" He added at the end of their conversation. "Let me know how she's doing?" He smiled in response; Sookie had just declared that he would be kept up-to-date by the minute. "Probably not that necessary. And don't call Rory, Sookie. Not until Lorelai says. Okay? Just talk to Lorelai okay?"

He seemed to hesitate on the phone after that, Sookie had asked him a simple question that floored him. He stumbled over the answer, making a few brief consonant sounds before stating, "I don't know Sookie. I just, this isn't…well, I don't like to see her sick." They hung up quickly after that, their respective phones clicking into the cradle at the same time, both freezing mid thought and drawing in a deep, controlled breath.

Sookie slipped through the front door, silently cursing the hinge for announcing her arrival. The house was quiet and dark though and there were no signs of movement from upstairs. Sookie removed her shoes at the front door, padding around in thick socks to maximise her stealth-like movements. Still, everything she touched seemed to elicit piercing screeches and deep creaks. The fridge moaned at being opened, the shelves grating at the containers being placed on them and the pipes groaned at the thought of having a tap being turned on.

After an hour or so of trying to tidy up in silence, Sookie started up the stairs to the second level. It had just gone past 9am and still Lorelai hadn't woken. Sookie knocked softly on the bedroom door before increasing her intensity, rapping her knuckles against the wood. "Rory?" A muffled voice emerged from inside the room. "Why are you knocking?"

"It's not Rory, it's Sookie." Sookie explained, twisting the door knob and pushing the door open.



"Sookie? What are you doing here?" Lorelai confusedly asked, rubbing her eyes and pushing her matted hair being her ears. "What time is it? The Inn? I'm meant to be at work and umm, what else? Coffee? Have I had coffee yet?"

"Stop stop stop stop stop." Sookie rushed her words, holding her hands up in defence. "The Inn is fine. It's all alright, it's not that late. Just after 9 actually."

Lorelai shook her head, seemingly trying to clear her mind. Pushing up on her elbows she shuffled up the bed to sit, again tucking stray pieces of wayward hair back behind her ears. "What are you doing here Sook?"

"Well, um see..." Sookie's flushed red, her cheeks turning crimson. "Well, I just ah...wanted to you know, hang out with my best friend!" She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, just to across from Lorelai. "Who needs a reason for that?" She declared with a wide smile, clearly fumbling for a valid excuse.

"Mmmm." Lorelai replied. "Luke called you hey?"

"Yeah." Sookie confirmed, "He's worried. About you Lorelai. He's worried about you."

"I'm fine, honestly I'm fine."

"With risk of insult, you don't look great." Sookie offered, suddenly understanding Luke's heightened stress levels. She really didn't look well at all; there was no typical spark in her eyes or colour in her face. Her cheeks even seemed hallowed, her cheek bones more prominent than usual. "What happened yesterday?"

"Don't look so worried Sookie, the doctor said I'm fine."

"But you went to the hospital. You don't go to hospitals, you don't even go to the doctor to get a check up. You hate anything medical."

"No, I like ER. I really like ER. Not so much now, but in the Clooney days, I was there with the best of them."

Sookie narrowed her eyes in disapproval at Lorelai's attempt to change the subject. "Luke wouldn't tell me anything, which we seriously need to work on. He seemed scared that you were going to yell at him or something.

Lorelai shrugged her shoulders, "He did call you."

"You should have called me!" Sookie exclaimed, "I would have taken you to the hospital."

Sighing, Lorelai conceded, "It wasn't like that. I wasn't feeling great, I went to Luke's, passed out and he made me go to the hospital. It wasn't my choice." She had to admit, some of the sequence of events was still a little fuzzy and there were definitely some blank spots. "But then everything was fine, they checked me out, sent me home. That was it. Luke is just worrying, that's all. I'm fine."

"Okay, then how are you feeling now?" Sookie persisted.

"I'm really fine. I'm feeling fine, good really. I'm fine. Just fine."



"Okay, so you might have had me with the first fine. Even the second, but by the forth. You're totally lying." Sookie reached out and gently pushed Lorelai's shoulder. "Come on Lorelai, talk."

Lorelai exhaled strongly and reached up, rubbing her eyes with both hands. She hated this inquisition, people worried about her, stressing about her. It would be different of course, if it were someone else who was unwell, she would be there, hassling them, doing everything she could for them. But this was different. This time she was the centre of attention and despite her loud, extroverted persona she didn't cope well with being focussed on, it made her nervous, uncomfortable. "I don't know Sookie, I'm tired I guess. Run down."

"Is that really all?"

"I guess so. I went to the hospital...I went to the hospital and they didn't find anything to explain it. I can't believe I went to the hospital."

"I can't believe you went to the hospital either. I can believe however, that Luke made you go. Is...Are you? Did he..."

Lorelai laughed gently, "He was worried, that's all. Nothing has changed."

"Other than the fact that he still loves you, you mean." Sookie teased.

Lorelai didn't bother to answer, just shook her head and started to slip out from under the covers. Her mind had already taken off with itself though; it had been months since they had been together and although they had again become mutual friends it still wasn't right. It was never right unless they were together. Properly together. "So," Lorelai began, "I'm going to shower. If I'm allowed." She added with a small grin.

"Ah ha!" Sookie exclaimed, jumping up with more than enough enthusiasm for the whole of Stars Hallow. "I brought food! I'll go downstairs and have it ready for you by the time you get downstairs."

"I'm not really hungry Sookie, really. Don't go to any trouble."

"You'll have something to eat and then you'll get settled on the couch, dvd's, anything else you need. You wish is my command!"

By the time she padded gingerly down the stairs almost 40 minutes later, they were both there, sitting across the kitchen table from each other, chatting away. Considering how close they both were to Lorelai is was surprising how little they actually talked with each other. Occasionally Sookie would come in to the diner for a coffee with Lorelai and every now and then, if Luke was fixing something at the Inn then they would see each other, but other than that, they lived vicariously through the stories that Lorelai would tell them. "Ah, so...power in numbers hey?" Lorelai stated knowingly, as she walked into the kitchen. "Have you both decided my destiny yet? Consulted the cards? Tealeaves?"

Luke's ability to ignore her avoidance tactic was impressive, Sookie at least rolled her eyes but Luke simply stood and with a hand to her back guided her to his seat. "You're still sick." Luke confirmed, quickly analysing her walk, the way she held her head, her eyes.

"Yes...but I'm not made of porcelain fortunately."

"Here, look, eat." Sookie rushed out, pouring steaming coffee into a mug. "I kept the options small, a plain pancake with topping of your choice or Luke introduced me to poptarts. Apparently they're a staple in this house."

Lorelai screwed up her nose, "I'm really not that hungry." She stated, immediately reconsidering when Sookie's forehead became wrinkled. "But perhaps, I could manage a poptart." She conceded. Suddenly, she became aware of Luke's hand, or rather a few of his fingers just resting against her back. His hand was resting on the back of her chair and his thumb was slowly, deliberately stroking the line of her shoulder blade. He was standing next to her and it felt good, secure; she felt protected like she used to.

A plate sliding in front of her broke the reverie; the strawberry poptart had been cut into six equal pieces. "It seemed so boring so I cut it up. I wanted to make little heart shapes but you don't have any cookie cutters so I had to settle for a knife."

"You cut my poptart Sookie?" The thumb continues to trace the contour of her shoulder. "Your chef training has definitely not gone to waste. Now you both should go. See, I've got food and I'm upright and breathing...you guys really should get back to your lives."

"Our lives are on pause." Sookie insisted, "I've even ordered a new stove after the electrical fault, it should be here soon actually. See, everything is totally under control."

"An electrical fault? A new stove? What?" The words rushed out and she seemed to lose her breath a little, like she had just run up the stairs or was too enthusiastic with the spoonful of chinese.

Sookie laughed nervously, "Oh it's nothing. No drama, I shouldn't be put in charge of anything that can break really."

"But how? Have you had someone check the electrics? What about insurance? You need to fill out a report..." She trailed off, trying to break the pattern of short, shallow breaths.

"Okay, stop, you need some water." Sookie fumbled in the fridge, eventually emerging a bottle of water. "Drink. The Inn is fine, we've taken care of everything."

Lorelai nodded, bringing a hand to her chest and bowing her head a little. "I ah..." She tried to talk but it only increased her urgency. "Breathe."

Luke had knelt beside her, reaching for the water and unscrewing the top, breaking the seal quickly. "You're panicking, slow down. And sip." He held the bottle up to her mouth and tilted it ever so slightly, wetting her lips more than anything else. Tears began to form in her eyes, her dull blue irises beginning to glaze over. She fought to draw in air, ever so slowly beginning to force more air into her resistive lungs. Taking small sips of water, inhaling and exhaling in as a controlled way as possible and the whole time, her hand pressed into Luke's palm with her fingers forming a death grip around his.

TBC...feedback welcomed and appreciated. Cheers.


	5. Chapter 5

**Part 5**

The remainder of the day passed without incident, the hours spend watching old reruns of Gilligan's Island, periodically dozing through an episode or two and forcing down various food options that had been laid in front of her prior to being left to her own devices. Sookie and Luke continued to phone at various intervals and she was sure they had set up a calling plan, tag teaming and making it seem coincidental. Slowly they backed off a little, calling less and asking only a handful of questions rather than the drilling her as they had earlier in the day.

Later that night she picked up the phone and called Rory, one of only a handful of numbers she remembered without needing to consult her address book. "Hi Mom." She sounded distracted and immediately Lorelai heard keys being pressed through the phone.

"Hey Kid, how goes the study?" Lorelai forced her voice to sound particularly stable and strong.

A few more keys were drummed before Rory turned her attention back to the phone. "Sorry, just had to finish that thought. Who knew critically reviewing Proust would be so interesting," she said, closing the laptop to give full attention to her mother.

"I'm impressed; I couldn't really comment much on those first twenty pages I managed," Lorelai responded, sitting up slightly on the couch so her shoulders leant against the headrest. "You ready for your exam tomorrow?"

"Yep," Rory answered confidently, "as much as I ever am. What's news with you?"

Lorelai drew in a deep breath, tipping her head back slightly. "Well, it's finally happened Rory," she began, "I'm succumbing to one of those virus things. And well, Norton just hasn't quite kicked in yet."

Rory caught on quickly, "You're sick? How sick? How do you know it's a virus?"

"Because the doctor told me, that's how. Now don't stress, okay? I'm fine, just kicking back on the sofa with my mates Ginger and The Skipper."

"Do you want me to come home tonight? My exam isn't until tomorrow afternoon."

"No," Lorelai cut her off, "I'm being stalked by Sookie and Luke and there's enough food here to feed an army. I want you to study and do good in your exam, okay? Not a chance you're coming home. I am doing okay." She felt Rory hesitate on the other end of the phone, as if considering whether to insist she come home or not. "Seriously Rory, brains of this operation, you need to study and see Logan when he comes home tomorrow. Both are very important things."

"Luke?" The one word was enough to ask a thousand questions in one.

"Luke is just helping me out, that's all. Now enough chatting, you're killing brain cells with every word we speak now. And that's important stuff that you need for tomorrow."

"Okay," Rory conceded, "I'll call you tomorrow night. Call me if you need anything though."

"I will. Now go, cram like you've never crammed before."



"I love you Mom," Rory said confidently into the phone.

"Love you too," Lorelai answered, her voice breaking ever so slightly. She was constantly reminded that she had the best kid in the world, although really, these days she was a fully functioning adult, living with her boyfriend and slowly winding down with college.

She awoke the next morning to the sound of the front door opening and then screeching closed, the lock being twisted into place. Rolling over in bed, she glanced at the bedside table and blinked a few times at the clock. It read 12:14 and she closed her eyes again, rubbing them and looking at the clock. Again, it read 12:14. She lay motionless for a few seconds, before pulling the duvet up to her stomach and shuffling up to sit in bed. A gentle knock sounded at her door and she answered quickly, "Sookie or a murderer?" she asked.

"Definitely a murderer," the voice answered, low but gentle. "Can I come in?"

"Luke! Of course," she answered. "Sorry, I was expecting Sookie for some reason."

"Don't be too disappointed," he said smiling as he walked across the room. It was so familiar to him, everything from the furniture to the wall paper. He had missed being here, being a part of life and sharing all the seemingly small things like waking up next to her on a lazy Sunday morning. "Did you just wake up?" he asked casually, crossing the room to sit next to her on the bed, similar to what Sookie had done the day before.

"Yeah, I guess so," Lorelai answered, "I must have slept for about fourteen hours."

"Still feeling sick, hey?"

Lorelai nodded slowly, "I feel kind of weird today, hot and clammy sort of. And so tired; like I could sleep all day." She looked as she had the day before, her eyes dull and lifeless and skin ashen white. She certainly looked no better for the fourteen hours sleep she had just had.

Luke leant forward and pressed a palm to her forehead, keeping his poker face on. He let his hand trail down her cheek and under her chin. "You've got a fever," he stated. "Using my very professional thermometer that is".

"I'm not sure how reliable that whole hand temperature thing is, I used to pretend to use it with Rory when she was little, until she realised I was just making it up."

Luke smiled, nodding his head. "Ah you see, it's all in the operator. I am very trained and skilled; it comes from years of slaving over a hot stove." He shuffled a little, shifting his weight on the bed. "Do you want some paracetamol?"

She nodded slowly, "I guess so. I might get dressed and meet you down stairs. I think I have some drugs in the pantry."

Luke looked confused momentarily. "Do I even ask why you keep medicines in the kitchen?"

Lorelai laughed softly, "I always struggle with what to use the pantry for, it seemed like a logical choice."

Luke rolled his eyes and quickly said, "I'll see what you've got." She waited until he had walked across the room and slipped out the door before slowly pushing herself out of bed. 

The room felt like it was spinning and all of her muscles seem to working at half capacity, but she still found her way to the bathroom although lacking significantly in grace and confidence.

She emerged a few minutes later, dressed casually in a pair of dark blue jeans and a fitted t-shirt. Her hair had been brushed roughly and pulled back into a messy ponytail. A few stay pieces of hair were tucked behind her ears and besides some natural lip gloss, she was make up free. She was halfway down the stairs when she noticed Luke standing motionless, he held the cordless phone in his hand and was staring intently at the mouthpiece as if waiting for it spontaneously animate. He was startled though as he heard her slowly guiding herself down the stairs, leaning heavily on the railing and looked up at her with a forced smile, his hand still gripping the phone.

"You know, it's a useful piece of technology. Made carrier pigeon's obsolete really."

Luke looked confused momentarily before laughing nervously, "The phone, right. Carrier pigeons. Ah yes, the phone." He stopped to draw in a breath, acutely aware of his sudden attack of stupidity.

"Did the phone attack you Luke?" Lorelai asked, easing her way down the remainder of the stairs, stopping at the bottom and keeping her hand resting on the banister.

"Ah, no," Luke answered. "Not quite. It rang actually."

"Ooo, it rang," Lorelai laughed lightly. "Not with a ringtone and all? It wasn't Christopher was it? Rory said he tried to call her a few weeks ago, on his way to Australia or something."

"No," Luke shrugged; the idea of Christopher being in Australia was suddenly a bonus though. "It was the hospital actually; you need to call them back."

"The hospital?" The room spun again and Luke's image appeared to double. Shaking her head to clear her vision, Lorelai rephrased her question, "What did they want?"

Luke shrugged, "They wouldn't tell me anything, just wanted you to call them back as soon as you can. You know confidentiality and all that."

"Okay," Lorelai shrugged. "I'll call them after I get some coffee." Luke didn't have to say anything, just shook his head and handed her the phone. He held out a bright pink post-it note with the phone number he had scribbled down. Lorelai took the phone and number automatically, she seemed to know that Luke wouldn't let her get away with avoiding for even a few seconds. She had dialled and there was a voice on the other end of the line before she even realised she was making the call but all her years of running the inn kicked in and she spoke automatically. "Hello, it's Lorelai Gilmore speaking," she stated. "I had a message to call."

Luke watched her intently, trying desperately to read her expression. She nodded slowly as if the person on the other end of the phone could see her affirmation. "Now?" she asked, her forehead creasing. "Are you sure?" She fell silent again before nodding again and stating softly, "sure."

Pressing the 'end' button, she repeated Luke's actions from earlier, staring expectantly at the phone. "Well?" Luke asked gently, despite his desperate need to know what had transpired during the conversation.



"I don't really know," she stated, breaking her gaze with the phone to meet Luke's eyes. "She just said that I have to come back to the hospital and to bring some clothes as I will need to stay in. She said something came back in my blood results."

He felt the colour drain from his face and his stomach seemed to invert itself but at the confused look of Lorelai he shook his mind clear. "Okay," he started. "Pack up some stuff and we'll get going."

Her breathing seemed to have quickened its pace and she bit her bottom lip. "Luke," she whispered, sliding to sit on the bottom step. She pulled her knees up and rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hands. "Luke, I'm..." she said again, trailing off.

"I know." He nodded, crouching in front of her; his hands on her knees. They stayed that way for a few minutes, until Luke broke their silence. "I would offer to pack a bag for you but that may not be so useful for you. I am a male after all."

Lorelai shrugged her shoulders and replied, "all underwear and one shirt hey?"

"And not even practical, hospital suitable underwear either." They fell into silence again at the mention of hospital before Luke stood, reaching for Lorelai's hand and pulling her to her feet. "Come on."

They were close to the hospital when Lorelai broke the uncomfortable silence to try and phrase what had been going around her head the whole trip. She turned her body slightly to face Luke, watching him concentrate on the road in front of him. "Luke?" she asked gently, continuing as he nodded his head and glanced at her. "You'll stay won't you?"

"Of course Lorelai, I'll be at the hospital as long as you want me to be. You'll probably find it hard to get rid of me really." He smiled, trying to assure her.

She drew in a few breaths before shaking her head slightly. "No, I meant...well, I just...I just don't think I can do this without you." It sounded strange, even as she said it; she had no right to expect him to be around. She didn't even know why she didn't think she could manage without him; it wasn't like he was hers to need. And that was what she was feeling, an undeniable need to have him there, supporting her.

Luke looked at her a few times, casting his eyes back to the road. "Look I know it's a weird time and everything Lorelai, but I'm here, okay. Whatever you need and whenever you need it, I'm here." The next time he looked at her she had a single tear trailing down her cheek and slipping under her jaw line. "Always," he added, reaching over and squeezing her forearm.

They arrived a few minutes later and followed the corridors and elevators as the wall directions indicated. They were searching for 6C, which apparently meant the 6th floor and 'C' wing which actually meant east wing, a short five minute walk that took them more like fifteen with getting lost once and a short break so Lorelai could catch her breath. Luke walked slowly beside her, cursing at each twist and turn that had to make. They finally arrived, a large sign at an open entrance reading 6C East in large white stencilled writing.

They stood frozen as they both read at the same time, underneath the ward title in smaller but identically bold writing were the words _Oncology and Haematology Outpatients Centre._


	6. Chapter 6

**Part 6**

They went through the motions as if in a mystical world surrounded by fog.  They interacted appropriately, answering questions, nodding and smiling as if on autocue.  At least, they believed they were conversing appropriately; no one seemed to have pointed out otherwise.  A woman, one of four sitting on swivel chairs behind a large, obnoxious desk took her name and scanned a list.  She smiled automatically, although it was more likely she smiled because she had little else to respond with, perhaps it was the only tool she had been trained to use.  She scanned a list, placed a tick and nodded towards some rows of chairs.  "Just take a seat Ms Gilmore; it will be a short wait."

And they sat in silence, the smooth blue plastic chairs were anything but comfortable; but they supposed the people who sat in them felt anything but an ability to relax.  The large, foyer type room was filled with people and they periodically disappeared behind double doors, some to the left of the desk and the others to the right.  Both Luke and Lorelai let their eyes scan the various people who drifted in and out, and those who waited patiently on the hard blue chairs.  They ranged in age from teenagers to elderly people and it was difficult to tell who were the patients and who were the friends, family, supports.  Some were clearly the patients, proudly exposing their heads, scant of hair and others, self consciously fixed scarves to cover smooth scalps.  But others seem to drift in by themselves and back out just minutes later, appearing from behind the double doors with the slightest change in their appearance; they walked stronger and their eyes seemed brighter, they seemed happier almost. 

It struck Luke the most though, that none of them looked particularly sick.  Sure, some were pushed in wheelchairs and gripped tightly to IV poles but mostly, they smiled and laughed.  He reached out and let his hand rest of Lorelai's thigh, his palm facing up.  "Do I ask how you're doing?" he asked gently.

Lorelai shrugged and exhaled a controlled breath.  "I think I'm having a heart attack," she commented.  "But everything will be fine, right?" she asked, almost as an afterthought; reaching to rest her hand in Luke's.

He nodded slowly.  "Yeah, everything will be fine," he answered, squeezing her hand.  She was called at that moment; a young female doctor in a casual suit holding the double doors open and calling out her name.  They walked without hesitation and followed her with the smallest of polite smiles.  At the end of a corridor they trailed her into a small office, just a desk with a computer and various bits and pieces scattered over it, three more of the uncomfortable blue chairs and a simple hospital bed with a curtain half pulled around it. 

They were introduced but as quickly as the doctor stated her name it had left their consciousness.  They didn't need pleasantries and they didn't need to know her name.  They just needed to know what she knew.  What was written in that cream coloured chart with her name printed along the edge in thick black writing.

"You came in to our emergency department a couple of days ago?" she asked casually to which Lorelai nodded, appreciative of Luke's arm, draped securely over the back of her chair, his hand resting on her shoulder.  "When you were here," she continued, "You had some bloods taken and they were sent for further tests." 

Lorelai nodded again.  "The doctor said there were some abnormalities," she stated, indicating that she understood to some extent that there were concerns.

"That's right; there are a few things that showed up on those blood results.  And I'm sure you're not silly, most people are very aware as they walk through the front doors of this centre that there's something pretty serious happening."  They both nodded in unison and Lorelai struggled to shift the lump in her throat.  "Your blood tests showed three things; that you have too many white blood cells and not enough red blood cells and platelets.  This showed up extremely clearly on your second tests and we think there was probably an error with your first tests as this is usually something that is picked up with a fairly simple analysis.  But what this means is that we know that you have a certain type of cancer, a leukaemia specifically."  She paused to take in their reactions, to look for an indication that they understood what she had just said.  "Now I'm not going to explain what that means for you at the moment, we'll give you some time to get your head around it.  We do have further tests that we need to do this afternoon and tomorrow afternoon which will give us all the information that we need to formulate a treatment plan for you."  She stopped again, realising that Lorelai's eyes had dropped to her lap, her head bowed.  "I know this is a lot to take in right now," she stated, turning her head slightly to meet Luke's eyes. 

He nodded his acknowledgement before clearing his throat.  "What kind of tests?  Are they taken here?" he asked, swallowing heavily.

She nodded again; seemingly unfazed that she had lost Lorelai from any further conversation.  For her it was just part of the process, part of the grief reaction and she was more than comfortable answering Luke's questions as it meant that as Lorelai felt able to, she would ask him and take in that information.  It was impossible for her to take it in at that moment, impossible for anyone to take it in really but experience showed her that certain personalities would want to know more, want to understand more than just the basic initial information.  "This afternoon we'll have a bone marrow biopsy and aspirate done, which is done under a local anaesthetic, which will be done here.  Likewise, tomorrow afternoon a spinal tap, also done here and a chest x-ray done over at imaging.  These are all tools to allow us to see the specific type of leukaemia, any complicating factors and consequently, how we will most effectively treat."

"And then?" Luke asked.

"And then, most likely a couple of weeks as an inpatient for initial treatment and then we'll go from there.  I wouldn't like to speculate though, without further test results."

"So, we'll be able to go home tonight?" he asked, confused.  The doctor nodded her confirmation.  "We were asked to bring in clothes, that's all, to stay."

"Just standard procedure when the nurses phone, unfortunately.  But no, at this stage we still need to get those extra tests done before we admit."

"And will you be our doctor?"  He was aware as he said it, the distinct use of the word 'our' but as marked as he felt it was it appeared to go unnoticed.

She nodded easily, "One of your doctors."  She smiled.  "I'm a registrar and work as part of a treating team including the specialist who will oversee all of the patient's treatment.  Lorelai's treatment," she added as an afterthought, a quick glance at the chart again.  It was often the criticism she got from her patients and peers, so quick and knowledgeable clinically but it was seldom she knew her patients by name and particularly with cases like this.  With people who were of similar age as herself, where it could just as easily be her in the uncomfortable plastic seat.  Moving on quickly she held out a piece of paper for Luke.  "This includes your appointments for tomorrow afternoon; for today just make your way back down to the waiting area and a nurse will come and get you when they're ready."

"Will that be done soon?" Luke asked, "I mean, can we take some time, get some air?"

She nodded and immediately picked up the phone, pressing a few numbers and quickly connecting.  "Can I have a time for Lorelai Gilmore, BMA and BMB?  Thanks."  She hung up quickly, "Four o'clock, just present back to the front desk in an hour.  And take your time here," she added, nodding to the room.  "There's not a lot of space around here." 

Lorelai spoke for the first time, her eyes still fixated on her lap.  "Thank you," she whispered, her voice strained to which the doctor simply nodded before exiting.  She pulled the door closed slightly behind her, letting the lock sit against the door frame. 

Luke moved his chair to face her, leaning in and wrapping his arms around her tightly.  Her face fell to his chest and he shadowed her face with his palm, not flinching at the warm, wet tracks that lined her cheek.  "You'll be fine," he stated strongly, pressing his lips to her forehead.  "I'm right here, you'll be fine."

The following days passed.  She could say that the hours passed in a blur, but that would be clichéd and barely accurate.  There were minutes that seemed so vivid to her, engraved in her memory to be relived in striking colours, the same feelings washing over her with each re-enactment in her mind.  The people passed by unnoticed, their names remembered for a few moments before being discarded, particularly the nurses who came in and out of her life for such a momentary period.  But ultimately, the events stayed with her including minute details that seemed so ridiculous to be important. 

The walls of the treatment room where she had her bone marrow biopsy and aspirate were a dull green colour.  It was a poor paint job, distinct lines present from where the thick roller had been driven up and down the wall.  And there were small holes scattered over the wall, perhaps they once held hooks that wore colourful paintings or prints.  She would have appreciated the distraction of a print, an old ship cutting through deep waves, its bow rising above the surface.  She had nothing to focus on, but the pitiful walls and imaginary framed images as a large needle was inserted into her hip, scraping the bone and withdrawing with tastes of her marrow.  It didn't hurt until later, afterwards it ached with every movement but she remembered the feeling of the needle, pushing through her skin and tapping on her bone, scraping away what was never intended to be touched.

The chest x-ray was just as vivid, the loose purple gown that barely contained her dignity and the man who didn't engage with her, just directed her with short, sharp instructions and no recognition of her discomfort.  She remembered the sound of the door closing, metal on metal scraping, protecting the radiographer from the harmful radiation.  She could still see him, staring at her through the large windows, pressing buttons and glancing from her to the screen that she assumed held the images of her lungs.  She remembered that she thanked him, soft words sent through the cold sterile air and she remembered that he didn't respond, didn't acknowledge.  She was just another patient number.

Then there were the phone calls to Rory and she recalled little of the words that they exchanged but the emotion, the feelings and the fear.  They phoned each other constantly, every update, every further bit of minute information and every chance to just hear each others voice.  When Rory spontaneously showed up at the hospital or at home, they would talk as they always did, humour and jokes deeply entwined in their exchange of candid facts.  Rory upheld a careful balance of stoic strength and honest portrayal of her hopes and fears.  Lorelai felt comfort in her recollections, the smiles and the genuine soft laughter of their exchanges.  She knew though, that as strong as Rory was presenting, she was being supported and guided by Logan and Luke.  She knew that Logan had driven her to Stars Hollow, escorted her to the diner where she cried, her face pressed into Luke's chest.  She knew that Logan had found her, after that first initial phone call, sitting on the floor against her bed, her knees pulled to her chest, her eyes glazed.  And he held her then and every night and every moment she needed it. 

The last meeting they had with the doctor was surreal, lucid but filled with dichotomous concepts.  They kept being told, over and over again that their tests had good results.  No brain fluid involvement.  No spots on her lungs.  It was just simple, plain and uncomplicated leukaemia; Acute Myeloid Leukaemia to be exact.  The clock on the wall ticked loudly, second by second, heart beat by heart beat.  It was good news, one of the best cancers to have.  Lorelai wondered how one could win and lose at the same time.  She would start chemotherapy on Monday and it was already Friday.  The thick black hand of the clock taunted her; it wasn't in time anymore, too slow for her pulse. 

And then they were home, slipping through the front door under the cover of darkness.  The house was filled with flowers, cards and various paraphernalia that the town had felt compelled to provide.  News had spread quickly, overwhelmingly so but hardly surprising.  Rory was attending Friday night dinner and using the opportunity to inform Richard and Emily.  The answering machine was switched to pick up any calls automatically; she would deal with them tomorrow. 

Lorelai sat down on the sofa, leaving her jacket draped over the side and she stopped to exhale.  Luke slid next to her and she stared at the television in front of her, it wasn't turned on, just blackness meeting her eyes.  Suddenly she had nowhere to be, two days to be filled with nothing.  Just two days to do everything.  She became aware of Luke tracing her forearm with his index finger and she glanced down.  He was gently outlining a large bruise that had appeared on her arm, it was an irregular pattern, almost like the image of a storm cloud sitting at the horizon.  Elongated and curved, it was filled with various shades of blue, the centre almost tinging a deep green. 

"I know you probably can't tell me what you need," Luke began.  "But if you think of anything…" he trailed off.

Lorelai nodded and smiled.  "I have no idea what I need," she admitted feebly.  "I don't even know what to do next or what to think."

"You know, there are no expectations, Lorelai," Luke began.  'No one expects you to act in a particular way or anything."

"Yeah, I know," she admitted, her forehead creased.  "I just feel like I should be reacting in a certain way or asking more questions or something.  I feel like I'm watching some horror movie and I'm over-involved; like it all feels real but it shouldn't."  She paused, trying to process her thoughts.  "I have all these booklets and information in my handbag and I don't want to touch them, I don't even want them to be there.  What if I read them and then know that I can't do this.  What do I do then?"

Luke continued to carefully stroke her forearm, the consistent rhythmic nature, calming her.  "Because I know you," Luke stated simply.  "I know that you can do this.  I'm not saying it will be easy but you can do the hard stuff, I know you can do the hard stuff."

She shrugged her shoulders, not really completely believing him but the words still meant something to her, the fact that someone would have that blind faith in her.  And someone that she had hurt, that had seen everything good and everything so wrong about her.  "But I didn't make us work and that was hard.  Maybe one of the hardest things because I wanted it so much," she conceded.  "I still want it so much but it ended and it ended because of me.  Because I couldn't do it."

Luke shook his head strongly, moving to sit sideways so he faced her on the couch.  "There were two of us, if I remember correctly and neither of us were particularly innocent," he said smiling, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen forward behind her ear, keeping her face exposed.  "And endings are seldom that final anyway; particularly with us."  He was keeping his comments light but significant; smiling and lightly teasing her whilst maintaining a serious undertone.

Lorelai laughed lightly, nodding her head.  "Maybe the hard stuff takes both of us," she shrugged, but she meant it.  "Not that you have to be around through all this Luke," she began, quickly turning serious.  "I know I said that I need you to stay but you don't have to.  You don't have to stay because this is going to be…well, it's going to be a nightmare and you shouldn't have to go through that.  You shouldn't have to do it for me."

Luke leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek.  "Not a chance of getting rid of me," he said strongly.  "Not a chance."

Turning her head to face him, Lorelai pressed her lips to his.  They grazed slightly, remaining gently joined for a few seconds before parting.  She leaned in to him, her face pressed to his shoulder and her body moulding comfortably to his.  He held her to him, his hands alternating between stroking her back and tracing her face, playing gently with her hair.  She dozed in and out of sleep, undeniably exhausted; a combination of emotional fatigue and her leukemic blood.  And he stayed with her, shifting his body weight only when she did.  He leant his head back against the sofa, his face tilted to the ceiling whilst Lorelai stretched out along the couch, her head resting comfortably in his lap supported by a soft pillow.  And at that moment he sent his requests out to the universe, silently begging for certainty, for her safety and for her life.  He didn't often ask for help and he didn't even know if he believed there was someone or something there to help but he asked all the same.  Squeezing his eyes a handful of tears escaped.  Something had to go right, this time. 

**TBC...**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:  **_Thank you everyone for your continued feedback, I appreciate it greatly!  I'm pleased you're enjoying this story and hope that this part is mildly interesting to you!  This part is a little shorter than usual but it's two scenes that I was keen to put in.  __J__  But again, thank you for your words of encouragement!_

**Part 7**

Rory returned on Saturday morning, having already planned with Lorelai a day of television reruns and old movies.  They spoke only briefly of Rory's Friday night dinner and the reaction of Emily and Richard.  Lorelai was keen to know that they had understood what it meant and that she would be well and truly out of action for a while.  She was less interested in their reaction and didn't ask Rory to elaborate, more out of a fear that they didn't react then anything else.  And she was right to some extent; they had received the information with a lingering pause before nodding their heads slowly that they understood.  They had asked a few questions; how Lorelai's heath was at the moment and what her treatment would be.  They had offered money of course and that they would track down the finest haematologist in the country and have him or her oversee her chemotherapy.  Rory had predictably smiled politely and thanked them for the offer but explained at this stage they wanted to be close to Stars Hollow. 

Emily and Richard both took the refusal easily, nodding their heads like they knew what the answer would be anyway.  Rory couldn't help but notice the distant look in their eye and worrisome daydream they settled in to during stages of awkward silence.  And when she went to leave, a little later than usual; they had both hugged her tightly.  As Rory went to draw away from her and exit through the front door, Emily had reached for her hand and held her back for a moment.  "Tell Lorelai that we're thinking of her and that anything she needs; to just ask."  The words came out a bit jumbled and hesitant, unsure of how to fully articulate what she wanted to say without actually saying it.  "And that we would like to visit but we won't unless she wants us to.  You'll let us know won't you Rory?" Emily asked softly. 

Rory nodded and squeezed Emily's hand.  "I'll keep in touch and keep you updated," she stated gently.  ""I'm sure Mom will want a visit at some stage, I'll let you know.  It's really just Luke and I that she's wanting to see at the moment, but it's been huge.  She's still really shocked." 

Emily released her grip and watched as Rory slip out the door.  She was almost at the car when Emily called out behind her.  "Rory?" she asked, "Does Christopher know?"

Rory shook her head.  "No," she began, "I heard from him a few weeks ago, he was in LAX flying to Australia; his plan at that stage was to backpack his way up the east coast, Sydney to Cairns or something.  He quit his job, left Georgia with her mother to go to France or was it Norway?  I don't know, he sounded a bit weird; like Dad used to be."

"Transient," Richard muttered, walking up behind Emily.  He breathed heavily before glancing back up at Rory, "Give Luke a message for us, if you could," he stated.  "Just ask him to look after her.  For us, tell him to look after her."

They disappeared inside again at that, Rory left still leaning against her car door.  She was just settling in to the driver's seat when she heard a loud voice from inside the house.  Emily was screaming at a maid, threatening to fire her; no doubt any staff that came near the Gilmore house for the next few months was going to get the brunt of Emily's frustration. 

Still, Rory didn't share too much with Lorelai; just told her that the dinner went okay and they were of course worried about her.  She didn't elaborate though; she was predictably protective of Lorelai and particularly keen to decrease any other stress that might impact on her.  Throughout the day though, they were surprisingly relaxed, chatting easily without any pauses or uncomfortable silent moments.  

They watched Stand By Me and spent two hours commenting on the youthful River Pheonix and trying to decide if Sliders was a career high or low for Jerry O'Connell.  They had moved on to watching Storm Boy when they both became increasingly distracted, shuffling their position and refilling their sodas.  They chatted easily over the dialogue but lapsed into silence.  It wasn't uncomfortable, just there; falling into the background like the soft sound of classical music.

"Mom?" Rory asked, as if pausing the bow in mid vibrato. 

"Yes daughter?" Lorelai answered with a small smile.

"I was just wondering if you still had the booklets, you know, the info ones?"  Rory looked down at her hands and shrugged her shoulders, she felt like she might be challenging the relaxed environment she had created that day.  "I just wanted to have a read if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, of course kid.  They're under my brown boots."

"They're what?" Rory asked, her forehead creased in confusion.  "Under your brown boots?  The ones you don't wear?"

Lorelai nodded and waved her hand in the air, a little embarrassed.  "Well, since I don't wear the boots then I wouldn't have to see them all the time and be reminded that I hadn't read them but if I kept them under the brown ones then I would know where they are if I wanted to.  Those boots are very uncomfortable and a bit on the unfashionable side this season but still, they kind of themed the brochures I thought."

"I hear ya." Rory said nodding.  "Would you mind if I read them?"

"Sure, why don't you bring them over and we can read and well, probably panic together." 

Rory slowly walked over to the hallway cupboard where Lorelai's knee high boots were sitting at the bottom of the shelves, to the side of a rolled up throw rug and a portable cooler that hadn't been used since the mid 90's.  Underneath the soles of the shoes was a cream coloured A5 envelope and when Rory picked it up, she could see various coloured booklets packed tightly into the envelope.  Returning back to the sofa, she sat cross legged in the middle and faced Lorelai, sitting up and leaning into the corner of the couch.  "Alright," Rory began, pulling out four brochures, each identical in size and themed front cover, but with a different coloured thick border.  "So there's one on chemotherapy; one on emotions, one on hair loss and one on the cancer care unit, although that one looks different to the others, I think it's just about the hospital unit.  The other three are from some cancer council place.  I think I've heard of them, they do fundraisers at Yale."

Lorelai nodded slowly and then shrugged, immediately a little overwhelmed.  Rory had just said the word 'cancer' twice and it made her head spin, even at the sound of the word she felt her throat constrict a little and the breath catch in her throat.  She didn't know where to start of what to try and take in first.  All the things she had read or heard about in newspapers or magazines was sitting with her at that moment and she was aware that she had to read the professional publications to distinguish between the facts and her racing mind.  But it was easier to be cognitively aware of something then to actually do it, because to do it required her to engage in her emotions and to move forward from the mild avoidance strategies she was employing at that moment. 

She knew though, from just general knowledge and picking things up over the years that cancer meant life threatening and chemotherapy meant sickness, hair loss and dependence.  She had really only heard about leukaemia in relation to kids and the images she had seen had only ever evoked feelings of sadness and loss.  She couldn't imagine people feeling depressed when they looked at her or could only imagine death when they talked with her.  And that was kind of why she didn't want to see anyone, she didn't want people feeling sorry for her or giving her compassion that she wouldn't normally get. 

"Do you want to pick one to skim or I can put them away if you like; back under the evil boots?" Rory asked quietly, knowing she was breaking Lorelai's reverie. 

"You pick," Lorelai instructed, smiling and meeting Rory's eyes to give her a slight sense of confidence; the message to say it's okay. 

Rory nodded deliberately, slowly reviewing each title and chewing her lower lip in indecision.  She eventually settled on the general chemotherapy booklet and started flicking through the first couple of pages.  "Do you want to know anything in particular?" Rory asked to which Lorelai shook her head.  "Alright, I kind of want to know what chemotherapy is...other than just a medication."

"Alright...educate me as well then."

"You sure?" Rory asked, not wanting to push her.

"Yes, I'm sure."  Lorelai laughed nervously, "it's not the information that's the enemy."

Rory coughed and cleared her throat, "Well, it says here that chemotherapy, or chemo as all the cool kids call it, is called a cytotoxic drug which translates to mean cell killing.  But it can't just kill the cancer cells because they haven't figured that out yet, so it kills the good cells too."

"Good cells?"

Rory nodded.  "Hold that thought, I'm going to assume it will explain what that means."  She flicked to the next page, surprised that the information in the booklets were simple, straight forward and lacked a huge amount of medical terms.  "Here we go, so the good cells that are killed are part of the side effects by the looks of it."

"Like what?"  It only took a few sentences but it was enough to motivate her to seek some information to understand, on the simplest of levels, what Monday might bring."

"Mmmm.  The chemo only kills dividing cells because cancer cells divide really quickly and lots of our cells as adults don't divide.  But any that do are affected by the drug.  So the side effects come because it kills healthy skin, hair follicles and digestive cells apparently."

"Hair falls out, nausea; makes sense I guess." 

"Yeah."  Rory nodded, flicking another couple of pages.  "I can't imagine you without hair," she conceded a little shyly.  "I know that's not the big deal but still, weird."

"Very weird."  Lorelai nodded and subconsciously ran her fingers through her hair.  "But hey, it's grows back right?"

Rory nodded eagerly.  "A different colour sometimes, apparently."

Lorelai raised her eyebrows.  "Blond?"

Laughing gently, Rory shook her head.  "Not that drastic."  She continued to read before shutting the booklet.  "Remission is what we want," she declared.  "Complete remission means good."

"That means it's gone, right?'"

"Means there's no sign of the cancer."  Rory tossed the brochures on the table and leaned back, resting her elbow on the back of the sofa.  "Can I ask you a question?" she posed softly.

"Not if you're still looking for an answer as to why we can't make snow in the freezer."  She smiled though and nodded her head.

There was a long pause and Rory seemed to search for the right words, her eyelids blinking with increased frequency.  "Are you scared?" she finally asked in a soft, shaky voice.

Lorelai seemed to consider the question carefully.  "Yes," she answered simply and clearly.  "And I think that's okay," she admitted.  "You?"

Rory shuffled forward and hugged Lorelai tightly.  "I just want you to be alright." 

Lorelai held her securely, her arms wrapped Rory's back and shoulders.  She wanted to whisper words of confirmation; to promise her over and over again that life would treat them nicely.  She wanted to say that she would be there when she graduated; that she would be waiting impatiently outside the maternity ward when she gave birth to her first child.  She wanted to assure Rory that she would be there when she walked down the aisle on her wedding day.  But she couldn't.  Lorelai had been hurt enough in her lifetime, bitten by words uttered in the passion of the moment that implied forces that couldn't possibly be controlled.  She couldn't promise Rory that she was going to be okay; what if she wasn't?

What they do?  What would any of them do if the treatment didn't work?

**TBC...**


End file.
